here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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