She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
