I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
