we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
