I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
