I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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