god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
