After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
