That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
