I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
