after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
