Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
