You're my little dorito
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
