the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
