I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
