Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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