one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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