I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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