My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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