Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
