Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
