She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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