well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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