took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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