im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
