dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
