you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
