My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize