god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
