His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
