how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you win again, gameday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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