The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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