After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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