His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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