Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
