Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
