to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
