so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
