You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
