it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
