thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
