would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
