My hand turned me down
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
