the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
