I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
