She said her name was "party"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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