my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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