We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
