guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
