we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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