Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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