She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
