Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
