I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
