My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
