I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
