nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize