i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
