We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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