Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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