just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
