They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
