I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
