Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
