Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
