Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
