The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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