When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
