hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
