My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize