I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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