dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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